I've got to go away (Baby it's cold outside)
This evening has been (Been hoping that you'd drop in)
My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I'd better scurry (Beautiful, please don't hurry)
Well maybe just a half a drink more (Put some music on while I pour)
Say, what's in this drink (No cabs to be had out there)
“Ridiculous.”
“I really can’t stay.”
“You should hear yourself.”
“I really can’t say!”
“Baby. It’s cold outside.”
“I’ve got to go away.”
“Baby. It’s really quite cold outside.”
“This evening has been...”
“Been hoping that you would eventually drop in.”
“So very nice.”
“I’ll hold your hands, as they are precisely like ice.”
“My mother will start to worry.”
“I would imagine, as her daughter is clearly in the clutches of a sociopath.”
“My mother will start to worry!”
“Shrill is not a good look for you, Cadence. Calm down before you burst a blood vessel. Very well, here it is: Beautiful. What’s your hurry. Ugh.”
“My father will be pacing the floor.”
“Hopefully while cradling a loaded shotgun. What is my line? Ah...to the fireplace roar. So he’s apprehensive for his daughter and lurking near large pits of open flame? This song makes no sense.”
“So really, I’d better scurry.”
“She should just tell him she wants to leave, and if he doesn’t stop with the date rape, she’ll shoot him in the forehead with wad cutters.”
“So really I’d better scurry.”
“Beautiful, please don’t hurry. Am I truly the only one comprehending these lyrics?”
“Well, maybe just a half a drink more.”
“Put some music on while I pour—oh, wonderful. He’s going to slip her some E. He’s going to drug her so he can have his way with her. No. I’m done. This song is stupid and reads like a how-to manual for the neighborhood stalker.”
“The neighbors might think...”
“What? Think what? That they should perhaps consider dialing 911? Because that is what I think.”
“The neighbors might think...”
“I am leaving. But only after I say my next line, just so you can feel like an idiot: Baby, it is very very very very very bad out there. Uh-huh, sure it is. Oh, now look at this idiocy from the next verse: ‘Say, what’s in this drink.’ See? She can taste the roofie! And then my horrid line is, ‘No cabs to be had out there’, meaning she’s trapped like a cornered rat. No more! No more Christmas and no more singing, and that is my final word on—“
“The carols on the bus go round and round, round and round, the Shiro on the bus goes bye-bye now, allll the ressssst of the niiiiight.”
“Perfect. The other horseman is here. Good night, both of you. And don’t you dare gobble up all that hard sauce, Adrienne. Remember the rule: for every forbidden teaspoon full of sweet hard sauce, you have to eat a slice of fruitcake. I insist you obey: you get the pleasure of eating like a decadent wart hog, and all I get is a stomachache."
"You guys! Quit it and get back to singing! Shiro, don't you dare leave and Adrienne, don't you dare stay. STOP RUINING MY CHRISTMAS!"
"A Christmas without a nervous breakdown is a Christmas without sunshine."
“Deck the geese with beaks of holly, fa-la-la-la-la—because the wheels on the sleigh go round and round, round and round, reindeer round. The hooves and the deer go round and round, allll until they craaaaaash! Rudolph's nose is spread all over a cornfield! Then all the reindeer hated him! Serves you right, sqashed reindeer! Next time let me play your reindeer games! Round and round!"
"I am living in a road runner cartoon. Where did it all go wrong? Goodbye, Cadence. Goodbye, Adrienne.
"The feet! Of the geese! Are webbed with the wheels on the bus. Good night! Good night! Good night! Good night! God squash us, every one!”
“All I wanted was a nice evening singing Christmas carols with my sisters. But what I got was attitude from Shiro and psychosis from Adrienne. Worst Christmas ever, and it's only the first day of December!"
"Once more: shrill is not a good look for you."
"Good night! Good bye! Santa was too round and round; silly dumb glowy reindeer couldn't take the weight! Round and round, round and round...bye-bye, all the toys for girls and boys.
“Both of you can get lost now. Just take off so I don’t have to talk to you for a while. Just head out. Leave and don't look back, because I've had enough. Okay? Okay? Okay. Um...Adrienne? Shiro? Nuts. C’mon back...it’s too quiet in my head when you’re not there. Hello? Anyone?
"Well, shoot. God bless us, every one. Or at least some of us."
9 comments:
Hello!
It was really amazing... Loved it! That song was really creepy, haven't really paid attention to the lyrics until now, u are so right.. (like always xD) loved the FBI crazy people series! Thanks for the entry. Made my day
M
I really enjoyed that song until you pointed out the creepiness factor. Now its right up there with "Every breath you take." Another song ruined.
P
Sorry, Anonymous! And yeah, I've always found "Every Breath" to be pretty stalker-ish.
So, you have something against stalkers? Even when they go to the trouble to set it to a catchy tune. Boy, are you hard to please!
Just kidding! Love the multi-personalities. Your brain must have been smoking when they all took over so you could right the book (and carol).
Thanks for the delightful "insanity"
Ok you have ruined one of my favorite songs of all time. Now i will be humming along and the voice in MY head will be screaming "run, run, get out now!!!!" :)
So glad I'm NOT alone in my insanity. I've always wondered if anyone actually listened to the words to that song.
Hey I cant listen to Do you Hear What I hear anymore since I watched the Gremlins.
I really want your book reader from the book to sing the song. Ohh yeah
Love it!!
Never again will I be able to listen to this song and not think of you, MJ! Thanks, for the fall on my ass while everyone wonders if I'm having a seizure laughing fit!
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